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Sometimes we think that making a needed change is harder than enduring a bad situation. In your heart you know you aren't "there" anyway. You are treading water in a sewage plant. Get yourself out! Get your children out. If you don't get yourself out and think you can still save your children, you are mistaken. They will fall back in, and most likely will sink. You need to be "out" to keep them safe. I have been married twice to men with NPD (I finally found out what I had been dealing with). Nothing made the first one happy. He only felt in control if he could keep me down psychologically. He was never there for me or the kids emotionally. I stayed too long because I thought we had religion in common, but it was a smokescreen for his controling nature. The second husband seemed outgoing and interested in the family, etc., but was very needy for attention...good or bad... He was a respected public figure, whose ideas were always "right" and non-negotiable. I had the right to agree! It was hard to explain to people outside of our home just what was driving us insane. He had manic (crazy) spells and wouldn't listen to our protestations for his strange behavior. It was like he was on TV and couldn't see us. He had no true empathy for our feelings. Those with NPD don't see wives and children as separate from themselves. I have ten children. They suffered much of the time in silence under both dad's, and some of them had trouble with substance abuse when trying to deal with anger, sadness and frustration with their dads' behavior. By the way, children often gravitate to choose spouses like the ones they see you endure. You can love your husband as a fellow human being, forgive him and bless him on his way...without you. You are responsible for yourself and for the children. You are the healthy parent. You can't fix the other one. Don't be afraid to be "alone". God doesn't let that happen because He is always there for you. Just ask!