Hello everyone, I am overjoyed to find this board, as I was overjoyed to discover the existence of NPD. My 52 year old sister fits the description to a T! After all these years of confusion, hurt, anger , trying to cope in different ways and never getting anywhere, it is liberating to know that she has NPD. She will be verbally abusive when we are alone together and then lie about it later, even twisting it around to make it seem like my problem in the eyes of other family members I tell. She has given me as birthday gifts; an old pocketbook of hers, and old worthless bracelet of hers, a pile of other junk. Not once did she go out and buy me a nice gift as I did for her; I am a great gift giver but I cut it out after being hurt over and over, and the wierd thing was she seemed not to realize that her gifts were "off". I do not give just to get, but in her case there were so many other hurts that giving her anything at all seemed wrong and I felt like a moron doing it. So I stopped.
If she meets any of my friends she tries to embarrass me, and tells them how much more fun they could have at her place. If we are in a family group she vies for attention, going to any lengths to get all the attention on herself. On the phone, she rambles about every detail of every meal she ate that week, every dinner date she had, compliment at work, pay raise, phone call from old boyfriends, everything. My brother thinks she is lying about the dinner dates and even said once that she probably saw it on TV somewhere. How unknowingly right on that off hand comment was in light of this new info about NPD! If I start to talk about my life events, no matter how big or small, she cuts me off or changes the subject. She does that to my brother too.
If I invite her for anything she makes it such a headache acting like we have to kiss her you know what for some unknown reason, that I always regret inviting her, between that and the behavior when she is here, it is usually a nightmare situation after which I will swear never again. Then the rest of the family guilts me into seeing her, because she lies to them and makes me the bad guy. How they can not see her for what she is, is a mystery to me. She is childless, and at the births of both of my daughters her behavior was shockingly in appropriate, but of course we were alone together at the time and all I had was my word against hers. She has caused me considerable emotional upset and I want payback. I have considered taping conversations and the like, which I saw on a post as recommended! I luckily live an hour and a half away so that has kept me sane. I cannot imagine being close by. All these years of off again on again relations with her and find out now that I was right on in my handling her, everything I have done is what is recommended . Limiting conversations on the phone, maintaining distance, not telling any personal detail like names of friends, etc, although I felt like a paranoid doing that I did it anyway, because my gut told me to. Turns out it was the right thing to do! Thank God. But what I have done that is not the right thing is to allow her back again and again, regardless of how horrible her behavior the time before. Because she IS my sister and I have felt guilty cutting her off which was perpetuated by herself and other family members making me seem childish and
unforgiving. I even let her stay with my children for a weekend while I went to NYC, and when my older daughter went to a friends house and refused to come back until I came home, I was not surprised or upset with my daughter which may have caught my sister by surprise, she called me 5 times in NY trying to get my daughter in trouble but knowing my sister as I do, I did not fall for it. My daughter is a gorgeous teenager and I don't doubt for a minute that my sister treated her badly just by attitude, because she is probably jealous of her youth and beauty, as she is of mine even though it is ridiculous, I am 43 for god sakes and certainly don't feel flattered by her jealousy , it's just scary. My younger daughter has Downs so is more safe with my sister. THat sounds wierd but anybody out there in a similiar situation will understand it. I let her babysit because I thought things were finally good between us, but my daughters behavior and then the trip to our niece's graduation party over MOthers Day weekend showed me how wrong I was. When I questioned my daughter about why she left, she said she just felt really uncomfortable. Gut instinct about personal safety I guess! I will certainly never do that again. I was lulled into a false sense of trust but the phone calls and the way she acted made me realize I was wrong. They had baked a cake for my younger daughter's birthday which had been the week before, and not put the water in it, so it was flat. My sister told me her boyfriend's daughter did that, but my daughter told me that my sister did it. Guess who I believe. As gifts I found a handful of dog toys which could pass as regular stuffed animals. She worked at a vet for many years and probably got them there and had them sitting in a closet. Dog toys for a little girl. Lord help me.
I found one way of coping that works, playing the "I'm busy " game. "No, I'm not mad, I'm just really busy", to both her and the other family members, and this is a foolproof alibi. What can they say? If I'm busy, I'm busy. So yes it works, but I still feel angry with her for all the hurts and want payback. How can I get it? By outmaneuvering her? Should I cut her off in conversation? Rally to get all the attention at family gatherings? One time she actually said to me that she is a snake and I need to watch out for her. I read on one of the sites that when they warn you, take heed. Which I did, and have, for years off and on. I just can't get over how NPD explains EVERYTHING. I have long suspected there is nobody home there, she never talks about dreams or aspirations, no memories,
when I say "remember this?", she'll respond with "I don't really remember much about childhood" , or a
wierd look crosses her face and she just says, "yeah...", as if she is lying. Wow, to finally understand her bizarre behavior. Thank God. Any
feedback is appreciated here. Mainly I want to NOT think about her, dwell on all the hurts, I want to move on and get her out of my head. She refuses to even have her picture taken now, I guess because it won't reflect her self image of perpetual youth and sexiness.
SHe hurt our niece pretty bad at her college graduation party last month because of that.
Thanks for letting me vent, boy did I ever need to. I wonder how much of my childhood was messed up because of her. She is 8 years older . I used to think us having different fathers explained her , that it was genetic, but now I found NPD and BINGO, pay dirt. Cha Ching. She will act one way on the phone, all lies I guess, and then in person she is always super uptight and acts jealous and rude , and since my older daughter became a teen she now treats her like she is bad. This is not normal for an aunt who sees her nieces only once or twice a year. No gifts, no laughter, just cold, wierd, attitude. I wish I had a bigger family and she were nt my only sister. I truly hate her. MOthers Day weekend, her my brother and myself went out clubbing and then stayed up at his place till the wee hours talking. She actually started screaming "Nobody ever listens to ME" while I was talking about my bad marriage that I was thinking of leaving, and when we said, "Go ahead"
she told outrageous lies of how our father hit on her, and 2 old friends of our mother raped her. All dead of course, so they could not possibly refute her fairy tales. She just had to come up with something to better my story. She saw that my brother and I are close , which she may not have realized because we all live in different areas, and she was furious about it, is what I think. Which is why the next day, she was horribly rude and got mad when we stopped at Wendys to eat although the kids who had stayed over at my ex sister in laws had not eaten yet that day. Any trip we take she gets mad if I stop to use the bathroom, in fact when we were out clubbing she made fun of me to the other members of the party for going to the bathroom pretty often. I caught the tail of the conversation when I returned to the table. What a jerk. Somebody help me I am obsessed with her mistreatment and want to get her back. I could go on and on, I have so many stories, like when she took our aunt to court after our mom died, over a coat and a vase. Thanks again for letting me vent. I better stop before I write a book.
If she meets any of my friends she tries to embarrass me, and tells them how much more fun they could have at her place. If we are in a family group she vies for attention, going to any lengths to get all the attention on herself. On the phone, she rambles about every detail of every meal she ate that week, every dinner date she had, compliment at work, pay raise, phone call from old boyfriends, everything. My brother thinks she is lying about the dinner dates and even said once that she probably saw it on TV somewhere. How unknowingly right on that off hand comment was in light of this new info about NPD! If I start to talk about my life events, no matter how big or small, she cuts me off or changes the subject. She does that to my brother too.
If I invite her for anything she makes it such a headache acting like we have to kiss her you know what for some unknown reason, that I always regret inviting her, between that and the behavior when she is here, it is usually a nightmare situation after which I will swear never again. Then the rest of the family guilts me into seeing her, because she lies to them and makes me the bad guy. How they can not see her for what she is, is a mystery to me. She is childless, and at the births of both of my daughters her behavior was shockingly in appropriate, but of course we were alone together at the time and all I had was my word against hers. She has caused me considerable emotional upset and I want payback. I have considered taping conversations and the like, which I saw on a post as recommended! I luckily live an hour and a half away so that has kept me sane. I cannot imagine being close by. All these years of off again on again relations with her and find out now that I was right on in my handling her, everything I have done is what is recommended . Limiting conversations on the phone, maintaining distance, not telling any personal detail like names of friends, etc, although I felt like a paranoid doing that I did it anyway, because my gut told me to. Turns out it was the right thing to do! Thank God. But what I have done that is not the right thing is to allow her back again and again, regardless of how horrible her behavior the time before. Because she IS my sister and I have felt guilty cutting her off which was perpetuated by herself and other family members making me seem childish and
unforgiving. I even let her stay with my children for a weekend while I went to NYC, and when my older daughter went to a friends house and refused to come back until I came home, I was not surprised or upset with my daughter which may have caught my sister by surprise, she called me 5 times in NY trying to get my daughter in trouble but knowing my sister as I do, I did not fall for it. My daughter is a gorgeous teenager and I don't doubt for a minute that my sister treated her badly just by attitude, because she is probably jealous of her youth and beauty, as she is of mine even though it is ridiculous, I am 43 for god sakes and certainly don't feel flattered by her jealousy , it's just scary. My younger daughter has Downs so is more safe with my sister. THat sounds wierd but anybody out there in a similiar situation will understand it. I let her babysit because I thought things were finally good between us, but my daughters behavior and then the trip to our niece's graduation party over MOthers Day weekend showed me how wrong I was. When I questioned my daughter about why she left, she said she just felt really uncomfortable. Gut instinct about personal safety I guess! I will certainly never do that again. I was lulled into a false sense of trust but the phone calls and the way she acted made me realize I was wrong. They had baked a cake for my younger daughter's birthday which had been the week before, and not put the water in it, so it was flat. My sister told me her boyfriend's daughter did that, but my daughter told me that my sister did it. Guess who I believe. As gifts I found a handful of dog toys which could pass as regular stuffed animals. She worked at a vet for many years and probably got them there and had them sitting in a closet. Dog toys for a little girl. Lord help me.
I found one way of coping that works, playing the "I'm busy " game. "No, I'm not mad, I'm just really busy", to both her and the other family members, and this is a foolproof alibi. What can they say? If I'm busy, I'm busy. So yes it works, but I still feel angry with her for all the hurts and want payback. How can I get it? By outmaneuvering her? Should I cut her off in conversation? Rally to get all the attention at family gatherings? One time she actually said to me that she is a snake and I need to watch out for her. I read on one of the sites that when they warn you, take heed. Which I did, and have, for years off and on. I just can't get over how NPD explains EVERYTHING. I have long suspected there is nobody home there, she never talks about dreams or aspirations, no memories,
when I say "remember this?", she'll respond with "I don't really remember much about childhood" , or a
wierd look crosses her face and she just says, "yeah...", as if she is lying. Wow, to finally understand her bizarre behavior. Thank God. Any
feedback is appreciated here. Mainly I want to NOT think about her, dwell on all the hurts, I want to move on and get her out of my head. She refuses to even have her picture taken now, I guess because it won't reflect her self image of perpetual youth and sexiness.
SHe hurt our niece pretty bad at her college graduation party last month because of that.
Thanks for letting me vent, boy did I ever need to. I wonder how much of my childhood was messed up because of her. She is 8 years older . I used to think us having different fathers explained her , that it was genetic, but now I found NPD and BINGO, pay dirt. Cha Ching. She will act one way on the phone, all lies I guess, and then in person she is always super uptight and acts jealous and rude , and since my older daughter became a teen she now treats her like she is bad. This is not normal for an aunt who sees her nieces only once or twice a year. No gifts, no laughter, just cold, wierd, attitude. I wish I had a bigger family and she were nt my only sister. I truly hate her. MOthers Day weekend, her my brother and myself went out clubbing and then stayed up at his place till the wee hours talking. She actually started screaming "Nobody ever listens to ME" while I was talking about my bad marriage that I was thinking of leaving, and when we said, "Go ahead"
she told outrageous lies of how our father hit on her, and 2 old friends of our mother raped her. All dead of course, so they could not possibly refute her fairy tales. She just had to come up with something to better my story. She saw that my brother and I are close , which she may not have realized because we all live in different areas, and she was furious about it, is what I think. Which is why the next day, she was horribly rude and got mad when we stopped at Wendys to eat although the kids who had stayed over at my ex sister in laws had not eaten yet that day. Any trip we take she gets mad if I stop to use the bathroom, in fact when we were out clubbing she made fun of me to the other members of the party for going to the bathroom pretty often. I caught the tail of the conversation when I returned to the table. What a jerk. Somebody help me I am obsessed with her mistreatment and want to get her back. I could go on and on, I have so many stories, like when she took our aunt to court after our mom died, over a coat and a vase. Thanks again for letting me vent. I better stop before I write a book.
