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no contact rule = guilt for parent of NPD

Author	Comment
sirref	no contact rule = guilt for parent of NPD	Lead	[-]
Posts: 4 (11/23/07 19:00:59) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Tags : None As a parent of an adult with symptoms of NPD I feel that when I do not try to help my daughter I am guilty of the same emotional coldness that I get from her. If I don't encourage her to seek help or at least keep the lines of communication open I feel that I am not doing my duty as a parent. If I stay in contact I am allowing her to emotionally wreck my life and I end up with much less energy to offer to the rest of my family. Either way she is not any better off as far as I can tell. Any comments?
guarded	Re: no contact rule = guilt for parent of NPD	#1	[-]
Posts: 1 (02/20/08 19:48:40) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Dear mother, I went thru the same with my son. I got very hurt. You can't make her get help, she will only ask(if you are lucky) if she is very emotionally upset. generally, these people don't recognize that they are disturbed...that is part of the problem. If they do, it is usually someone elses fault. And, they take it out on them and others. They lack empathy and insight. Everytime you try to help, you will be pushed away. Don't hang around to get used and abused. Set boundaries. Follow your gut feeling...if anyone else treated you the way she does...how would you react? Treat her the same empathetically. and step back. Don't give her the chance to manipulate you. Protecting yourself comes first. Feel sad for her, but not guilty. Hope this helps. Been there. Guarded Mom
sirref	no contact rule = guilt for parent of NPD	#2	[-]
Posts: 4 (02/21/08 05:13:35) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Thank you for your response. I haven't been to this site for a while because it seemed no one was posting. There is a site for borderline personality disorder that have a lot of people whose children also exhibit narcisstic traits. I've learned a lot by reading their posts. Most of what you have suggested is reiterated time and time again by the parents on that site. My focus has become the "why" of it all, physically speaking. I'm checking out the incidence of seizure disorder in the families of those who also have personality disorders, especially those that began in the early teens. Any comments would be welcome. Thanks for your good advice. I am at a distance but it is her choice not mine at the moment.
soulsurvivor805		#3	[-]
Posts: 1 (03/13/08 15:56:44) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	We had to cut-off my stepdaughter and stepson. They have used books like "Drama of the Gifted Child" to evade responsibility for their actions and to shift all the blame of their behavior off to my husband. His ex is a MN, too. It was a very hard thing to do, but the peace we have had since doing so has made it all worthwhile.
barb1964	Daughter with NPD	#4	[-]
Posts: 1 (03/04/09 08:49:24) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I have only just realised that my daughter of 23 has NPD - I have had 7 years worth of guilt! I constantly worry about her - she is currently living on her own since splitting with her 2nd long term partner. She won't come to live with me, which in a sense is probably for the best as she has just used me in the past - money/lies etc. Any response would be appreciated Barbara
peace	NPD Parents	#5	[-]
Posts: 1 (08/06/09 14:25:31) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	FYI, NPD does not pop up out of no where...it comes from parents and upbringing. Before being so harsh on your CHILD, step back and examine your own behavior and how changing your behavior (I know you will have an excuse- NPD parents always do) will modify anyone caught in "triangles." There are also countermoves, changebacks, etc., on BOTH sides. Blaming (which all of you are doing) is a sign of past child abuse. Maybe you should look into yourselfs first before blaming others. People with NPD look for a superficial supply pool and compliance from their children. Those who comply with your exact thoughts and feelings (because you do not like anyone who does not agree with your perceptions) are really giving up their self identity. Is that what you want for your children? The children who rebel and fight for an identity are considered "troublemakers" or isolated from other siblings. Usually, the NPD parent isolates all sibling to ensure that nice superficial, I worship you, feelings. Sad. You are not the Sun and the universe does not revolve around you.

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