Struggling with NPD mother

Re: Struggling with NPD mother

feeds@yuku.com (Alyx) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 13:55:06 GMT

Dear Nellie,
My life experience is being a child of N's (ACON'S Adult Children of Narcissists). From what I have read that they are indeed mentally like 6 year old demanding everything and not taking anything in themselves. I read this from a different website that went into dealing with their mental state. They will never get better. The treatment for N's is not well received, unless you can admit to yourself (the N) that something is wrong with yourself (the N)...

Re: Struggling with NPD mother

feeds@yuku.com (nellie) — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 21:48:18 GMT

nellie wrote:
Hi,I am new to all this my step-son has npd and I didn't know that when he moved from calif, to live with us in mo.It was great the first 2 weeks he was here,but then he started acting like he was better then other people putting family members down. Braging about all he could do and would do nothing at all to help.And he has a very violent past but he had everybody fooled and thinking it was not his fault it...

Re: Struggling with NPD mother

feeds@yuku.com (nellie) — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 01:03:12 GMT

Hi,I am new to all this my step-son has npd and I didn't know that when he moved from calif, to live with us in mo.It was great the first 2 weeks he was here,but then he started acting like he was better then other people putting family members down. Braging about all he could do and would do nothing at all to help.And he has a very violent past but he had everybody fooled and thinking it was not his fault it was somebody else well with him I found out it is always someone's eles...

Re: Struggling with NPD mother

feeds@yuku.com (PeacefulKittySong) — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 16:10:55 GMT

Hi Fellow Survivors of NPD Moms,
What a time for an update from here. 2 weeks ago Mom was diagnosed with stage 4 metastasized breast cancer. Same mother who I had live with me thru her mastecamy and radiation treatements for 4 months. All the time she's swearing she didn't have cancer, she GAVE it.
I have had very little to do with my Mother since she left here a year ago, after staying with us for her knee replacement surgery. At first she'd call all the time and I...

Re: Struggling with NPD mother

feeds@yuku.com (loisdmba) — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 07:55:51 GMT

Hi Everyone:

I'm SO happy to have found this listserv! I, too, am an only daughter of an NPD mother and an alcoholic dad (however, in retrospect, Daddy had to do something just to cope ). In any case, I never even knew there was such a thing as NPD until very recently (and I'm 49 yrs. old). I just knew that I could only be around my mother very briefly, and there were times when I couldn't be around her at...

Re: Struggling with NPD mother

feeds@yuku.com (E) — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 09:00:30 GMT

Finding out your mother is a narcissist is a step in the right direction as you now have the ability to seek help for yourself and your own healing. It is the opening, however, to so much pain and a reality you never knew existed.

For me, I became aware of what was really going on in my family after my dad, whose flaws were always highlighted by my mom, left my mom for a few months in what may have been the biggest shock of her life. She reacted as any narcissist mother would,...

Re: Struggling with NPD mother

feeds@yuku.com (ElsaJayne) — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 10:16:18 GMT

My 84 year old mother lives with me part of the year. (She had a heart attack 4 yrs. ago which led to her retirement.) I discovered that how she behaves is best described by NPD. I am 50 yrs. old and she still considers me to be a "child" for all practical purposes. Keeping my distance is not an option for me as I do want to help my mother in her advancing years - she really has no other means of support.

When I was growing up she was a mean alcoholic who didn't want...

Re: Struggling with NPD mother

feeds@yuku.com (Glennis53) — Sun, 04 May 2008 10:51:37 GMT

PeacefulKittySong and Tess,
Though I made my peace in the end with my NPD mother, and though I've come to see her better qualities, it doesn't mean that I put up with her nonsense. There were many years when I took myself out of her life. I thoroughly believe one must keep a firm distance from an NPD parent, until one is able to stand up and speak her own truth.

Don't let others determine how you should handle being the child of an NPD mother. If it means you keep...

Re: Struggling with NPD mother

feeds@yuku.com (PeacefulKittySong) — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 19:10:48 GMT

Hello Tess,
I'm pretty much in the same boat as you. Just found out my Mom is NPD. She is staying with me due to a knee operation she just had. She should go home (2000 miles away) in a month or 2.
I had an episode of PTSS after hitting my head in a boating accident a little while back and only then see what she has done to me all my life. I use to want to please her, do anything to make her happy, try to make everything special for her and it was never enough. She has never...

Re: Struggling with NPD mother

feeds@yuku.com (tess71622) — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 10:30:59 GMT

I just found out recently that my mother is narcissistic. It was a huge relief at first.....but now I am struggling with so many emotions. No one understands the deep anger/pain/frustration I'm going through.....I think I'm finally seeing the light and getting out of that, but now I don't want to have anything to do with her. Everyone else keeps saying that she's better now (she was suffering from depression) but at this point I really can't bring myself to care about her...

Re: Struggling with NPD mother

feeds@yuku.com (Glennis53) — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 09:56:36 GMT

I wrote the above entry about the 84 year old NPD mother, whom her second husband called the "Queen of the May."

Since then, she passed away after a 2-year illness that put her in nursing care. She chose that, actually, once she realized none of us kids had the wherewithall to provide 24-7 nursing care for her. That way she only had to lay in bed while everyone waited on her. Even on her deathbed she still "held court." That's exactly how one of the nurses...

Re: Struggling with NPD mother

feeds@yuku.com (pumpkin) — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 07:27:49 GMT

Just want to share that I recently completely cut off from my NPD mother. For many years she treated me like crap and then got surprised when I'd distance from her. Finally I realized that it was impossible to work anything out with her because she can't hear any negative feedback -- she's 100% invested in her image of herself as this righteous, enlightened person. So I got it and cut off from her to take care of myself. I don't hate her, and I didn't cut off from her out of maliciousness. I...

Re: Struggling with NPD mother

feeds@yuku.com (jinthecity) — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 21:02:24 GMT

Stepha,
My situation might give you some comfort...or reason to act while you can.
I am a daughter of a NPD mother. My father was an incredibly tolerant, kind, gentle man...even talking of him now, 10 years after his death, brings tears to my eyes. What he suffered in her hands... it was ...imaginable. Her poor marriage with him grew worse as a parental relationship with me began to blossom when I became a teenager. Though she slew yard after yard of insult to his injury, it was always...

Re: Struggling with NPD mother

feeds@yuku.com (Stepha Marie) — Thu, 28 Dec 2006 23:02:14 GMT

Just a quick question. Are you sure your father was a bad man? I'm divorcing a narcissist now, and he is constantly manipulating the children, telling them mom is abusive and bad, working especially hard on brain washing our five year old son. I haven't seen my children in a month. Narcissists lie. He probably was hitting her, but you never know with input obtained from narcissists. Just curious if you had an outside source on that info. It'd be nice for you if maybe an estranged...

Re: Struggling with NPD mother

feeds@yuku.com (Lettinggo0905) — Thu, 28 Dec 2006 19:41:22 GMT

Hello,
I just read your post it describes my currenty situation to a T.
Please let me know how do you deal with her visits and packages and on and on.
Today my mother she showed up at my husband's job and will not let go, plus threats and manipulation.

I am trying to be strong and say to myself "just ignore it", but I would really like to find out how did you free yourself.

Thank you!

Re: Struggling with NPD mother

feeds@yuku.com (Unregistered(d)) — Sun, 30 May 2004 06:46:35 GMT

As you're attempting to do, you must take care of yourself. If that means cutting off contact with an abusive parent, then so be it. The number one priority for you is to protect your own well-being.

I can only have my narcissistic mother in my life because I have set boundaries, and will not tolerate certain behaviors.

She now knows this. It's what she's been afraid of all these years: That I might grow a backbone. She spent all of my formative years and much of my early...

Re: Struggling with NPD mother

feeds@yuku.com (Unregistered(d)) — Fri, 28 May 2004 15:25:17 GMT

I wonder if your sister has NPD also, since she says you are horrible to her. It seems like many of the people on this board who have a relative with NPD, have more than one.

I think it's great that you aren't seeing your Mom anymore. Guess I'm cold and hard too! It's sad that she keeps trying to retain her hold on you. The only advice I can give is, be very...

Struggling with NPD mother

feeds@yuku.com (Unregistered(d)) — Sun, 23 May 2004 15:31:18 GMT

I have recently discovered that my mother has NPD. She left my father when I was five years old and my sister was seven. My father was physicaly abusive so I commend her for taking us out of that situation. After she left him she trained to become an aeroplane pilot and then a helicopter pilot. She has an enormous need to be praised and to feal special. She left my sister and myself alone to fend for ourselves for weeks at a time from the time I was 10 years old. When she was around she...